Standards vs. Sabotage

How to Set Expectations That Serve You

High performers don’t settle.

They raise the bar.

They set the tone.

They demand more from themselves than anyone else would dare ask.

And that’s often the problem.

Because at some point, the line between excellence and self-sabotage blurs.

What started as a high standard turns into a quiet war against yourself.

You’re no longer driven — you’re haunted.

You don’t feel motivated — you feel behind.

You’re not sharpening — you’re unraveling.

That’s when it’s time to stop and ask:

Are my standards serving me — or silently wrecking me?

When Standards Become Weapons

There’s a lie in high-performance culture:

That more pressure equals more results.

But here’s what actually happens when standards go unchecked:

• You postpone action waiting for the “perfect” moment.

• You ignore progress because it wasn’t impressive enough.

• You micromanage yourself until momentum dies in your hands.

It doesn’t look like failure.

It looks like discipline.

But it’s a trap.

When your standards are rooted in fear, they don’t elevate you — they exhaust you.

The Two Origins of Standards

All standards come from one of two places:

1. Integrity-Based Standards

   These arise from alignment.They sound like: “This is who I am. This is how I move.”They fuel momentum, clarity, self-respect.

   
   

2. Insecurity-Based Standards

   These arise from comparison, shame, or control.

   They sound like: “If I don’t do this, I’ll be irrelevant.”They create anxiety, resentment, paralysis.

   
   

One fuels ownership.

The other fuels performance theater.

Case Study: Brené Brown on Perfectionism

Researcher and author Brené Brown breaks it down clearly:

“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence. It’s a way of thinking that says, ‘If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid shame, blame, and judgment.’”

That’s not excellence.

That’s fear in a designer suit.

And the longer you build from it, the more brittle you become.

Until eventually, you break.

How to Set Strategic Standards

If your current expectations are burning you out, you don’t need to lower the bar — you need to reset the source of the bar.

Here’s how:

1. Audit your top three standards.

   Ask: Are these rooted in identity… or insecurity?

   
   

2. Name the real cost.

   What is this standard costing me in energy, creativity, or relationships?

   
   

3. Refine for clarity.

   Rephrase each standard into a directive that energizes you — not shames you.

For example:

• ❌ “I can’t mess this up.”✅ “I move faster when I trust myself more than the outcome.”

• ❌ “This has to be perfect.”✅ “Done with integrity is better than perfect in theory.”

• ❌ “I can’t show weakness.”✅ “I lead stronger when I’m honest about the edge.”

True standards should act like rails — guiding your momentum, not fencing you in.

Release the Proving. Anchor the Principle.

High standards aren’t the enemy.

Proving through your standards is.

When you stop using expectations to cover fear, and start using them to reinforce integrity — everything sharpens.

Your moves get cleaner.

Your time expands.

And your energy stops leaking into the impossible pursuit of “enough.”

Final Thoughts:

High standards elevate you. Hidden sabotage dresses up as perfection and drains you. The difference is in how they feel. True standards clarify and empower. Sabotage leaves you second-guessing and paralyzed. Start noticing the tension. If your “standard” slows you down, it’s not a standard — it’s a story that needs rewriting.